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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29347518">Cruel Angel's Promise</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ironicbleu/pseuds/ironicbleu'>ironicbleu</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Neon Genesis Evangelion, Rebuild of Evangelion | Evangelion: New Theatrical Edition</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Character Death, Literally this is not happy Kaworu dies, M/M, no happy ending</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 13:28:59</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>705</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29347518</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ironicbleu/pseuds/ironicbleu</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>(Evangelion 3.0 from Kaworu's perspective.) </p><p>How does it feel to fail Shinji over and over again?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ikari Shinji/Nagisa Kaworu</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>33</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Cruel Angel's Promise</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hello, I'm back with a new fic. This time very much hyperfixating on Evangelion, so I want to write a lot. </p><p>Thank you to my friends and boyfriend who helped me beta this!</p><p>Hope you enjoy. Comments and kudos are appreciated!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>This time, I’ll definitely make you happy.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>This time. This time. This time. This time. This time?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>...Next time. It would be next time. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kaworu was certain it would be next time. It had to be next time. Even if it wasn’t, it could be the next time, or the next, and he would try over and over again until Shinji was finally happy. Until he fulfilled his promise. A promise which he had died trying to bring to fruition, over and </span>
</p><p>
  <span>over and </span>
</p><p>
  <span>over and </span>
</p><p>
  <span>over and </span>
</p><p>
  <span>over and </span>
</p><p>
  <span>over and</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kaworu was pulled free of his spiraling thoughts of his previous failures by the cries of his co-pilot, and looked over into Shinji’s cockpit to see him crying. “Kaworu-kun,” Shinji whined. “What should I do? What should I do, Kaworu-kun?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kaworu had by far lost count of how many times he had seen that heart-wrenching look on Shinji’s face. All he could do was offer a soft smile to try and soothe his friend. He was almost glad that his time in this loop was about to come to an end. At least he wouldn’t have to see Shinji in pain like this anymore. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Of course, there was the question of what sort of pain the next timeline would bring, what sort of horrific things the next Shinji would endure. Kaworu would deal with that when he got there. For now, he was here with this Shinji, and this Shinji needed him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry,” Kaworu apologized. “This wasn’t the happiness you wanted.”</span>
  <span><br/>
<br/>
</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shinji didn’t quite seem to understand what Kaworu meant, squinting his eyes and slightly tilting his head like a confused puppy. His face quickly contorted into that of frustration, causing more tears to tumble from his eyes. “Kaworu-kun, I don’t understand what you’re talking about at all!” he yelled, banging his fists against his side of the cockpit. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>How many times had Kaworu heard that before?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But that was fine; Shinji didn’t need to understand. Kaworu wasn’t even apologizing to him in particular, anyways — It was an apology to every Shinji from every timeline that he had failed; all of the Shinjis whom he had failed to bring happiness to. All of the broken promises Kaworu had left sewn throughout time. All of the tears that had been shed on his behalf. All of the hearts of a young, frightful boy that Kaworu had crushed like a merciless Angel. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And yet, Kaworu proceeded to thrust the first Spear of Longinus into EVA.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shinji jolted in pain, sputtering and coughing, trying to catch his breath as he felt the pain of EVA course through his body. His pained whines pierced through Kaworu’s heart like their very own Spear of Longinus, but by now he was used to the pain he would inevitably cause Shinji. He was used to betraying Shinji’s childlike trust in him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So Kaworu thrust the second Spear of Longinus into EVA.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shinji once again screamed out, large bubbles of air erupting from his mouth and diffusing into the LCL. He looked at Kaworu desperately. Sad. Angry. Confused. Begging for help. Asking helplessly if things would be okay, if they’d make it out of this alive and have a shot at a normal life.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kaworu could only offer a sad smile. “Shinji-kun, don’t look at me like that.” In his last moments, he tried to give Shinji some hope. “We’ll meet again.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Another phrase that Shinji wouldn’t understand. He wondered if Shinji even believed in things like time loops or reincarnation. He wondered if Shinji was aware that they had been through this before — a dance that the two had long since memorized, a piano duet that was ingrained into the muscles of their fingers. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shinji hopelessly pounded against his cockpit wall separating him from Kaworu. He screamed and cried and pleaded and shredded his throat with sobs. Kaworu tried to smile for him one last time. A parting gift. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There were so many things Kaworu wanted to say.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I’m sorry, Shinji. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I wanted to make you happy.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I’ll try even harder next time.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I won’t break any more promises. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>There was so much more I wanted to do with you.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Will you forgive me?</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And then he was gone. </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Want to keep up with my writing? Have any requests or want to work together?</p><p>Feel free to contact me at @owarinotenshi on Twitter!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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